Jim Stillman
NevarLet's Put on Clean Underwear, Matey, and Stomp a Weasel
October 27th 2007 12:27
Once upon a time, Congress was the source of non-binding resolutions honoring this or that but the practice was just about ended in 1995. Meanwhile, state governors and local authorities are forever granting keys to the city or ornate parchment proclamations in support of some idea or product. In addition, manufacturers of products and just fun-folks create holidays to celebrate life (except for Plan Your Epitaph Day, which is celebrated on November 2nd of each year). [www.hardiehouse.org/epitaph]
If one has a sweet tooth, nothing beats the celebration of items of candy and other treats. I like candy and the number of special "days" designated to honor candy products throughout the year is vast indeed.
In January, for example, National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day, National English Toffee Day and National Peanut Brittle Day are celebrated on the 3rd, 9th and 26th days of the month, respectively.
February, according to the National Confectioners Association, which should - after all - know about these things, is a month to celebrate National Gum Drop Day (on February 15th) and Chocolate Mint Day (on February 19th).
The rest of the year has many excuses to celebrate the glory of candy and, in particular, chocolate. Have a passion for chocolate-covered raisins? Wake up early on March 24th to have an entire day to honor that snack.
Whether it's Jelly Beans (April 22nd), fudge (June 16th), Gummi Worms (July 15th) or just plain lollipops (July 20th), there is a special day to celebrate your cravings. Even if you enjoy roasting marshmallows over a fire, do that on August 30th and you'll fit right in.
Peanuts have a number of celebrations: September 13th is National Peanut Day, National Peanut Butter Lover's Day falls on March 1st and, finally, if one wishes to honor the finest culinary combination in the universe (excluding Mallomars, of course), do so on National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day on April 2nd.
Ah, but it's not all stuffing oneself with sugar and candy, oh no.
There are many more reasons and occasions to celebrate.
Many localities have their own special events or products to honor. For example, in Tampa, we have an entire festival built upon a legendary pirate, Jose Gaspar, who, sad to admit, never existed. But these are usually crass commercial enterprises. It's much more fun to celebrate unconventional and unexplainable holidays and observances!
As long as the discussion is on pirates, the International Talk Like a Pirate Day, celebrated on September 19th, is a day to honor our ancestors who raped, pillaged and sailed the seas. The "official" site for this celebration offers such advice as "pick up lines" for bar hopping: "Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so jolly?" [www.talklikeapirate.com]
I can assure my wife that I have not attempted this, mostly because it would make any normal wench collapse in laughter!
Take time off from your busy schedule, on June 31st [sic] to stomp a weasel. I am aware that there is no June 31st, which is just as well for the weasel population. [Just remember: 30 days hath Septober, April, June and No wonder, all the rest eat peanut butter except Grandma, she drives the Buick.] Think of what PETA would feel about that.
All of this celebration makes one thirsty. While I have not found a National Beer Drinking Day, there has been at least one suggestion:
Now, and this is a poor segue, what's the status of your underwear? As a youngster, I remember my mother's admonition that I should always wear clean and mended underwear, because, "What if there's an accident?" It didn't occur to me, then, that if I were hit by a vehicle, ER staff wouldn't be that interested in my underwear. As far as I can tell, moreover, the cleanliness of underwear might be compromised as a result of the accident in any event. Be that as it may, on August 9th, be sure that your undies are clean and presentable in celebration of National Underwear Day. [www.nationalunderwearday.com]
As a retired person, I have time on my hands. What better way to spend that time than celebrating the excitement and joys of life? Except for that epitaph thing.
One other holiday, celebrated in Iceland in February, is the Thorrabot Festival. I will not be celebrating that one. According to tradition, restaurants and homes alike feature special menus with some of the old traditional Viking foods. Some of these delicacies include Slatur, which is sheep's blood pudding rolled in lard and sewn up in the stomach, as well as Svith, which is a half boiled lamb's head, and of course everybody's favorite, pickled ram's testicles.
Yum!
If one has a sweet tooth, nothing beats the celebration of items of candy and other treats. I like candy and the number of special "days" designated to honor candy products throughout the year is vast indeed.
In January, for example, National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day, National English Toffee Day and National Peanut Brittle Day are celebrated on the 3rd, 9th and 26th days of the month, respectively.
February, according to the National Confectioners Association, which should - after all - know about these things, is a month to celebrate National Gum Drop Day (on February 15th) and Chocolate Mint Day (on February 19th).
The rest of the year has many excuses to celebrate the glory of candy and, in particular, chocolate. Have a passion for chocolate-covered raisins? Wake up early on March 24th to have an entire day to honor that snack.
Whether it's Jelly Beans (April 22nd), fudge (June 16th), Gummi Worms (July 15th) or just plain lollipops (July 20th), there is a special day to celebrate your cravings. Even if you enjoy roasting marshmallows over a fire, do that on August 30th and you'll fit right in.
Peanuts have a number of celebrations: September 13th is National Peanut Day, National Peanut Butter Lover's Day falls on March 1st and, finally, if one wishes to honor the finest culinary combination in the universe (excluding Mallomars, of course), do so on National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day on April 2nd.
Ah, but it's not all stuffing oneself with sugar and candy, oh no.
There are many more reasons and occasions to celebrate.
Many localities have their own special events or products to honor. For example, in Tampa, we have an entire festival built upon a legendary pirate, Jose Gaspar, who, sad to admit, never existed. But these are usually crass commercial enterprises. It's much more fun to celebrate unconventional and unexplainable holidays and observances!
As long as the discussion is on pirates, the International Talk Like a Pirate Day, celebrated on September 19th, is a day to honor our ancestors who raped, pillaged and sailed the seas. The "official" site for this celebration offers such advice as "pick up lines" for bar hopping: "Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so jolly?" [www.talklikeapirate.com]
I can assure my wife that I have not attempted this, mostly because it would make any normal wench collapse in laughter!
Take time off from your busy schedule, on June 31st [sic] to stomp a weasel. I am aware that there is no June 31st, which is just as well for the weasel population. [Just remember: 30 days hath Septober, April, June and No wonder, all the rest eat peanut butter except Grandma, she drives the Buick.] Think of what PETA would feel about that.
All of this celebration makes one thirsty. While I have not found a National Beer Drinking Day, there has been at least one suggestion:
Now, and this is a poor segue, what's the status of your underwear? As a youngster, I remember my mother's admonition that I should always wear clean and mended underwear, because, "What if there's an accident?" It didn't occur to me, then, that if I were hit by a vehicle, ER staff wouldn't be that interested in my underwear. As far as I can tell, moreover, the cleanliness of underwear might be compromised as a result of the accident in any event. Be that as it may, on August 9th, be sure that your undies are clean and presentable in celebration of National Underwear Day. [www.nationalunderwearday.com]
As a retired person, I have time on my hands. What better way to spend that time than celebrating the excitement and joys of life? Except for that epitaph thing.
One other holiday, celebrated in Iceland in February, is the Thorrabot Festival. I will not be celebrating that one. According to tradition, restaurants and homes alike feature special menus with some of the old traditional Viking foods. Some of these delicacies include Slatur, which is sheep's blood pudding rolled in lard and sewn up in the stomach, as well as Svith, which is a half boiled lamb's head, and of course everybody's favorite, pickled ram's testicles.
Yum!
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